My previous blog on Action Gaps ended with the suggestion that efforts to close the ones you find in yourself can be a bit trickier than they might seem at first glance. I’ll try to offer some observations on what common issues come up in the process of trying and go through my 3-step CAR process for working around them in this piece.

However, before digging in, I want to simply point out that millions and millions of words have been written about losing weight, getting control over one’s finances, and a myriad of other topics where “closing the Action Gap” has proven to be extremely challenging. It logically follows then that my 500 words below aren’t really going to move the needle here, right? Maybe, but maybe not.

I’ll start here by clarifying that my focus here is NOT at all on helping you reach whatever goal you have in mind that requires you take the missing Action step in your situation. THAT is a whole ‘nuther topic. My only focus here is helping you get greater internal integrity by asking you to track and identify where you have these Action Gaps, and then offering a simple mechanism to help you close them. In other words, this isn’t about goal accomplishment but rather about integrity enhancement.

To unpack this critical distinction between goal accomplishment and integrity enhancement, let’s go over the main difference between Actions and Goals. Actions, as I am using the term here, are 1-time events. “Go to bed early tonight,” “Have a lite salad for lunch tomorrow,” and “Spend $50 or less for my brother’s birthday gift,” for example. These Actions are all singular, concrete events, occurring now or soon, and usually have very limited impact on our overall current state of being.

Goals, on the other hand, are usually all about some distant state of being. They exist in some nebulous, far off space of “eventually” and are often entirely imaginary or vaguely quantified. “Richer,” “thinner,” “happier,” etc. are all common goals I hear coming up for my clients. And they’re all invisible, immaterial, and reaching them requires steady attention and intention. Paradoxically, they often have enormous impacts on our mental health and wellbeing. It’s no wonder they can seem to feel so big, yet impossible to achieve!

The problem many people face is they correctly appreciate that Actions lead to Goals, but then incorrectly mix up all the messiness of Goals into the simplicity of the Actions. For example, they may have decided that the pathway to reaching their Goal of being “thinner” is built by taking certain Actions like eating a lite salad for lunch instead of a bacon double cheeseburger. So far, so good. But then they bring all kinds of personal drama from the past that may or may not be related to that Goal into the mix, both when planning the Action and again when it comes time to follow through. This messy mix often turns what should be a simple Action into a whole dramatic story and process, putting both one’s goal accomplishment and integrity enhancement plans into the trash.

So what’s the best way to keep things simple?

By keeping our focus entirely on the integrity enhancement part of the equation.

Remember, Action Gaps come about due to first making a plan or promise to ourselves and then not actually following through on them when the time comes to do so. This lack of connection between thought and behavior is the ONLY issue we are discussing here, and only due to the fact that it undermines our own integrity, which in turn weakens us in countless other ways.

Therefore, the solution to closing these Action Gaps comes down to doing what I call the CAR process:

1)    Commitment: Take an honest and clear-eyed look at yourself when you find yourself making those plans or promises to yourself about tomorrow. Be real here. Are you simply expressing a hope or interest? Or are you making a commitment? If it’s just a hope or interest, then force yourself to clearly move it off the table entirely or over go all in on it and turn it into a hard commitment. You may find this first step surprisingly difficult, but clear honesty here is the main point.

If you indeed want to make it a commitment, then the trick is to make the follow through Action about you keeping your word to yourself rather than it merely being a vague effort to reach some vague goal. Self-commitment is a much more powerful force than is the idea of a vague effort. 

2)    Action: When it comes time to follow up on your commitment with the required Action, take a moment to pause and clarify what this Action means to you. Framing things here primarily as a means of building trust and confidence in yourself is a much healthier motivator than trying to shame or blame your way into vague goal setting behavior compliance. This Action is all about follow through on your previous commitment, and not about some nebulous distant goal. Again, it’s not about goal accomplishment, it’s about integrity enhancement.

3)    Recognition: This third and final step is perhaps the most important part of this process. Once you have completed the Action that you committed to completing, pause just for a moment of recognition and compliment yourself on your follow through and completion of the Action. It may sound a bit trite, but I can’t overestimate the power of this step of acknowledgement and gratitude. This third step is where you are consciously bringing intention and awareness to your newly enhanced integrity. The more you can demonstrate that integrity to yourself, and then use this acknowledgment step to bring it more fully into your awareness, the more it will shine through the next time you are making a commitment to Action to yourself.

 Every time you complete a CAR integrity enhancement exercise your personal integrity increases by a small amount, and each increase begets more strength and focus you can bring to bear on the next opportunity. This increased trust in and respect for yourself can’t help but show up in your personal and professional relationships as well. All good things, right?!?

*As an aside, I like the CAR acronym because it’s fun to imagine this process kind of like a video game where each success gives you an upgrade in ability or weapons, but in this case, it can be fun to visualize each success giving you an upgrade to your actual car. Like, you can imagine starting with whatever car you currently have, but then imagine that each successful CAR exercise completion lets you upgrade it a bit to the next model, newer version, or even going up brand or more sporty, rugged, or whatever else feels like an upgrade for you. Having some fun with this process is helpful, and visualizing these integrity enhancements as having real world impact is a helpful way to see how it can connect with your everyday experience.  

Next week we’ll continue to explore the Action Audit framework and introduce the much riskier second step – asking your friends, family, and colleagues where they see gaps between your words to them and the actions that may or may not follow. And while this may seem a bit scary at first, it’s helpful to remember that all journeys of self-improvement begin with the “bad news” of seeing our current state more honestly.